"The issues of the past seem to be getting under control in all areas, except Beer."
Yes I just read that sentence too. How I came to read it is much more amusing.
After being poured a Smithwicks beer in a stout glass, I performed my usual routine of removing the absurd amounts of foam from my beverage.
"You really don't like head do you?" The bartender asked in a laviscious tone.
"No. I don't." I smirked.
Of course he claimed not to mean it in that way and then demanded I believe him that he was required to pour beer with "two fingers" worth of foam.
"So you just said 'head' and 'you have to use two fingers'...dirty," I said.
At which point he busted out the restaurant manual and I read the sentence:
"The issues of the past seem to be getting under control in all areas except Beer, please be careful when pouring beer and do not pour off foam and please put a 2 finger head on all pints."
This is the point at which I tore this page out of the binder and said calmly:
"I'm taking this."
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Office Phrases That Should Be Eliminated Immediately
"I just wanted to get this on your radar."
This is not Doppler. We are not predicting heavy rains. Nor are we directing flight traffic. This has got to stop.
"Do you have any interest in spearheading this project?"
No I do not. I do not have any interest in using a spear for anything. Except maybe to stab you in the eye. It's 2008. Haven't you heard we don't have to hunt for food anymore? And spears have no place in the office.
"We need to get the ball rolling."
(Probably the least offensive inane office phrase. I myself am guilty of using it. But flashbacks of kindergarten recess can't be good for morale.)
"Robust."
(As in: "This group made a really robust powerpoint.")
I am not making this up. Repeated use of the adjective "robust" to describe anything having anything to do with business of any kind is unacceptable and ridiculous.
"Happy Monday. Happy Tuesday. Happy Humpday. Happy Thursday. Happy Friday."
NO DAY IS A HAPPY DAY AT WORK. Please. Except maybe Friday, and that is the only obvious exception to the rule.
Just stop wishing people happy days altogether. It irritates everyone.
"Let's get back on track."
This is not a railroad. That is all.
More to come later.
This is not Doppler. We are not predicting heavy rains. Nor are we directing flight traffic. This has got to stop.
"Do you have any interest in spearheading this project?"
No I do not. I do not have any interest in using a spear for anything. Except maybe to stab you in the eye. It's 2008. Haven't you heard we don't have to hunt for food anymore? And spears have no place in the office.
"We need to get the ball rolling."
(Probably the least offensive inane office phrase. I myself am guilty of using it. But flashbacks of kindergarten recess can't be good for morale.)
"Robust."
(As in: "This group made a really robust powerpoint.")
I am not making this up. Repeated use of the adjective "robust" to describe anything having anything to do with business of any kind is unacceptable and ridiculous.
"Happy Monday. Happy Tuesday. Happy Humpday. Happy Thursday. Happy Friday."
NO DAY IS A HAPPY DAY AT WORK. Please. Except maybe Friday, and that is the only obvious exception to the rule.
Just stop wishing people happy days altogether. It irritates everyone.
"Let's get back on track."
This is not a railroad. That is all.
More to come later.
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